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This might be a controversial topic, but I really hope it’s not. I hope you can see my heart’s thoughts on the matter.
It’s been on my mind a lot lately and I have been reading some blogs about the old-fashioned housewife. I long for the days when an old-fashioned housewife was esteemed as important!
Being a wife in charge of her household is truly a worthy calling, but also a legitimate career! Nowadays, when a woman chooses to “stay home”, she is often ridiculed or devalued.
Being a housewife and homemaker is an important job! There does seem to be a push in the last few years for acknowledging that again, but it seems like a slow-moving one.
Encouragement For An Old-Fashioned Housewife!
Let Me Be a WomanReturn of the Old Fashioned Housewife: Advice on homemaking, urban homesteading, and a simpler lifeKeep a Quiet HeartDiscipline: The Glad Surrender1950s Housewife: Marriage and Homemaking in the 1950s
An Old Fashioned Housewife
Before the World Wars, most married women were housewives and homemakers. It was a respected and expected vocation.
The majority of women were not only satisfied and content to be so but also empowered and fulfilled in their roles as managers of their homes, lovers of their husbands, and mothers of their children.
When the wars happened and the men were called away to serve, women had to take over a lot of the work and jobs the men left behind. They were serving the country in their own outstanding way and I admire them for it.
However, when the men came home, they had a hard time giving up their newfound “freedom” and/or contribution to the workforce. They forgot that their first duty was even more important than earning an income.
They believed the enemy’s lie that worldly gain is better than spiritual gain. That human recognization matters more than God’s perfect plan.
Social Influence
I think that is why so many T.V. shows from the 1950s were focused on faithful housewives, homemakers, and mothers. They wanted to encourage women to return to their biblical roles.
I am not saying that those T.V. shows depicted it all perfectly according to God’s Word, but they did try to capture an ideal family setting. Sadly, it’s often considered a bad thing to be too much like a “June Cleaver” now.
Godly marriages and families are ordained and set apart by God as examples and extensions of His relationship with us. Anything we do that disfigures or eliminates it is exactly what the enemy of our souls would love to see happen.
Housewives are a vital part of God’s plan for families. Christians, especially, should realize this and suppress their flesh’s desire to rebel against God’s plan.
There are exceptions, of course. But, generally speaking, when each spouse is doing his/her part, a housewife will not need to work outside of the home.
She should also not be choosing to volunteer so much of herself to “causes” or other things that are simply fulfilling her flesh’s desire to please mankind. We should embrace the beautiful tasks God has placed before us – husband, children, and homemaking.
Being a housewife and homemaker can encompass so many things. It is a full-time job if done correctly.
*scroll down to keep reading the article*
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Industrious Housewife
Earning money from home is not a sin and is something I strive to do with this blog. However, it should come second after husband, children, and home.
Specifically, and ideally, a housewife will not be so busy as to neglect her husband, children, or home. Regardless of whether it’s a job, hobby, or good cause that is taking her time.
Plus, there are so many ways we can contribute to the finances!
- frugal-minded shopper
- DIY, homemade lifestyle – redo, reuse, recycle
- homesteading skills like gardening, canning, raising chickens for eggs are simple enough
- cook from scratch with simple whole ingredients
- work-from-home and supplement husband’s income
I appreciate, admire – and can relate to – the 1950’s housewives. They faced similar issues and ridicule that we do now and also had some of the modern conveniences we have now.
It wasn’t popular, but they embraced it and made the best of it. Plus, they were tastefully feminine and modest while doing it.
So, let’s revive the old-fashioned housewife! Let’s learn from the strong women who held tight to their roles, combine it with modern conveniences, and top it off with biblical truths!
Melissa says
😀 May God bless this movement back to healthy families again!
Clarissa says
Amen!
Ingabire says
Amen indeed!
Katherine says
I totally agree I was .stay at home mom fot.11 years .went back to work when my last child went to school..
diane waite says
i, too, agree that women should be living the 1950’s housewife style. I think i would really benefit the children in the future. so many kids today are left to their own divices and we all know where that has led. Gangs non-believers in God and all sorts of nasty things. The world would be a much better place if things slowed down some and went back to the way they used to be.
Clarissa says
Thank you for your support, Diane!
Claire says
It is so refreshing to find others with this point of view. I have trouble relating to people who disagree, and truthfully tend to judge them for being “selfish” in their modern-mom ways. I have to rely on the truths I know from Gods word and the desires He has instilled in me. Thank you for writing about this and standing firm!
Clarissa says
Amen and to God be the glory!
Amanda West says
I agree! Good words here..
Clarissa says
Thanks!
Leah says
I definitely agree!
Clarissa says
I appreciate you commenting!
Ruth says
Another big reason our govt. encouraged women to work was so that they could tax the other half of the population. Terrible taxes!!
Clarissa says
Yes, I’m sure that’s true. Sad.
Amanda says
I LOVE this post! It is exactly how I feel and what I strive to be to my family! Thank you for taking the time to write this!
Clarissa says
You’re welcome! I’m so glad you can relate!
Elisa says
I SO agree!!! Good post!! <33
Clarissa says
Thanks! ❤️
Ruth W says
I completely agree!
Clarissa says
Thanks so much for your encouragement!
Marjolein says
I agree with this article. There is so much judgement for the SAHM nowadays. Thank you, I enjoyed reading this.
Teresa Locklear says
so needed this reminder today! I think it’s vitally important for moms to be at home, but society makes it so hard. My husband has been out on Workman’s Comp for two years now and I’ve struggled with going outside the home to work or not. I just keep coming back to how the family will change and I keep trying not to. Thank you for the encouragement today!
Clarissa says
Praying you will know the right thing to do (whatever that may be!) and that you will have peace about your decision!
Teresa Locklear says
Thanks so much!!
Ashley Smith says
I strive for this for my family. My husband works very hard outside to make it financially possible for our family to have this lifestyle. I feel it is what is best for our family and society would greatly be benefit if more families followed your advise. I enjoyed reading your post and hope others will value it as much as I did. Blessings!
Clarissa says
Thank you so much for commenting!
working wife says
While I understand where your comming from and think that being a housewife is a wonderful calling, I disagree that this is Gods calling for all women. Jesus himself never said a women’s purspose was to be a homemaker but as his followers we are to love others. Paul speaks that it is possibly a greater calling to be single for God. So while this role is so important and special, it isn’t the only ‘godly’ roll for a women. I think God calls us all into different rolls and lives and it’s by listening to him we find out where our purpose lies.
Sorry I just had to write my two cents and I really don’t mean this negatively
Clarissa says
My article is addressed to married women, not single women. Those are two completely different roles. The Bible says that a married woman will care about her husband and how she can please him while the single woman will care about God and how she can please Him. I never said that single women are not valued! I do believe that God calls women into different roles (married, single, mother, childless, etc.). However, I do firmly believe that if God gives a woman a husband, then He HAS called her to be a homemaker/housewife first & foremost and if God gives her a child then He HAS called her to be a mother second to being a wife. Those roles come before being anything else but do not necessarily rule out having a career, etc. It is a matter of priorities. I have personally found that if I try to take too much time away from my marriage and family to pursue my career (I do work from home), then my marriage and family suffer. That is not good. So, you can see why I wrote this article to encourage the stay-at-home wife and mom (including myself). God bless.
Hale says
Not happening! Sorry but this is a load of crap. The bible was not written by God. A woman can take care of her husband and family while still working and earning an income.
Clarissa says
I am sorry you feel that way about the Bible. It is indeed the Word of God.
Lindsay says
I think it’s your tone. Your message may true but you come across super judgmental… I’m a stay at home mom by the way.
Michelle says
I agree…. your tone is very judgmental and I think working full-time for your family is wonderful (if that’s what you and your husband choose). I also think that women can and often do thrive as wives, mothers, and workers simultaneously. I have changed and evolved in my career away from home as my family has changed. I used to have a very high pressure job that required more of my energy. After having my second child, I stayed home and worked full-time on our family farm for a few years. Now I am back to work as a teacher which allows me to feel successful at home and in my career. I don’t think there is anything evil about a woman who works outside the home and to make them feel like they are somehow less than you is just not fair. I have been blessed with a husband who is a good father and faithful provider. That has given me some flexibility and afforded me choices that others do not have. Some women are left with children to raise without the help of their fathers (often by no fault of their own) and they HAVE to work. These women are good women too and are loved by our Savior just as you and I are. I appreciate your point but I agree that there is a very judgmental tone…. maybe that wasn’t your intent but it read that way. Bless you and your family.
Lenelle Sasse says
you have just bought into the great lie. Too many women have forsaken what they are really called to do so that they can feed that flesh while our children are lost!
J says
I would love to know the biblical basis for this argument.
Bridget Smith says
Proverbs 31:10-31
Becca says
Nope. she worked her butt off and provided an income for her family. You haven’t read your Bible very closely have you?
Leota says
Titus 2:4-5 KJV
That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
[5] To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
RE says
Excellent point!!!! Thank you for agreeing a Christian mother can be a working mother too! I see several SAH mothers who are idle and do not follow God’s word. Just because you stay at home does not mean you are better than those of us who work and keep our home. Perhaps some people need to relook at Proverbs 31. She does work to provide for her family!!!
Clarissa says
The main point is to encourage Christian women to seek God’s will for their lives.
Myra says
I find it funny that people feel that the tone is judgemental I am a wife a homemaker (both of which I could be better at in sure) and I work outside of my home. I did not feel judged. There was some conviction but that it’s massive what is being mistaken for judgemental. You see when we feel convinced we try to put it on the person speaking. God uses people to speak who we will hear then the holy Spirit moves in us when we reject what the holy Spirit is saying to us the enemy swoops in to help us to blame someone other than ourselves for what we’re lacking. I do work outside of my home and my takeaway from this article is that no matter what I do the my first priority should be to serve the Lord my God and my second priority should be to serve my husband (which we should already know but sometimes we need a reboot) everything else should be after. Career. Hobbies. Volunteering. ECT. No matter how worthy out noble. Thank you for this article I needed it.
Clarissa says
Myra, thank you for hearing my heart.
Lisa says
This is a great post! It would be nice to go back to the days women didnt mind working in the homes and taking care of the family and being a devoted wife. Unfortunatly, in todays society it takes two to make ends meet. What I hate seeing are the wives/mothers that do not work yet still will not take care of the house hold duties while claiming its half the husbands job even after hes had a long days work.
Lisa
indsey says
I too am a stay at home mom with 4 children. Before I read this I felt like I don’t contribute to my family just because I don’t bring home income. I now I feel better about myself and what I am doing for my family. Thank you and God bless!
Margaret says
As a Christian woman who raised a family in the 50’s and 60’s, (still happily married to the same man!) it was not all it was cracked up to be for the husband or wife. There were no choices for either party, both were relegated, and did not/could not question their roles in society. There was no help from my husband, and most husbands in general. My husband NEVER changed a diaper, did a load of laundry, washed a dish, or went the the grocery store. Remember, women really were still thought of as the weaker sex, not really having minds or opinions that mattered. Roles were strict, the wife had hers and the husband had his; these roles did not cross boundaries. Today we have the benefit of hindsight, my husband commented how much he wished he had been more involved as a father because he sees our son-in-laws pitching in to do their part in raising families, and the absolute joy he gets from caring for our grandchildren. In our day, husbands did not show much emotion, and were expected to work, period. They did not leave early to attend baseball games, or dance recitals. Remember ladies, looking back sounds so romantic, but today is the day the Lord has blessed us with! When we see the blessings of our lives and choose to live them the best we can today, God is truly smiling on us. Support each other as women. If you are a stay at home mom and know a working mom that could use support, offer it. If you are a working mom, and you know a stay at home mom that could use support, offer it. Support can be an ear to listen, a cup of coffee to chat over, maybe ice cream in the back yard for the kids, while moms chat. THIS IS GOD’s desire, for us to love each other in the day we are given. Women today are amazing, strong, and the heart of their homes whether they work at home or out of the home. The blessing is we as MEN AND WOMEN have choice. Pray for God’s guidance, make the best choice for your family for today and know all things will work out for good. Remember too, that everyone has a God given journey and is not ours to judge. Grace and peace to you all.
Clarissa says
Of course, things were not perfect in the 50’s. The danger now is in going to the opposite extreme. Thank you for your comment.
Margaret says
From one Margaret to another, thank you for your comment. I struggle with guilt and anxiety over this very topic. I’m jealous of woman that have the privilege of being housewives. Not working for an income is only possible if someone else is suppoting you/your family financially, wether it be your husband, family or the government. I’m married with 3 wonderful young children. I love my husband, but neither one of us planned on me being a housewife. It was only after having my children, that I began to feel the weight of guilt of not staying home.
Any comments I’ve received from anyone like “I don’t know how you do, I never wanted someone else to raise my children, etc, etc.” Are like knives in my I heart that I never forget. I opened this article thinking it was about advice on homemaking. To those of us working moms/ wives that are in a situation where it’s not reasonably possible to become a homemaker full time to me it just tears us down, as if we are not following Christ as well as you are. I attempt every day to be more and more like the Proverbs 31 woman, while working full time as a nurse.
Leslie says
YES! I love what you wrote Margaret! God desires love from us above all! And yes when you choice to have a family, they should be first.
I love the WWII era, 50s included, but I think we have to be careful in romanticizing it. It wasn’t all picture perfect. It seems like a very fake time to me. A society pretending they have it all together instead of dealing with the pain they just got over in the 40s from war, amongst other things. Like Margaret pointed, it was sometimes getting no help from husbands. And be expected to have a perfect household, cough while wearing pearls and highheels!
Don’t get me wrong I totally agree with stay at home mothers, but unfortunately bc of the fall of man there’s no ideal time period where we truly have had it all together, even in Jesus’ time. So yes, take care of your husband and children, stay home if you can -even if that means sacrificing fancy vacations (we keep it local but fun!)- BUT most of all…LOVE GOD’S PEOPLE!
Clarissa says
I know the 1950’s were not a perfect time in history, and there is no such thing as a perfect time. I was simply using it as a comparison, not a standard. The Holy Bible is the only standard I strive to live up to!
Steph says
Beautifully written!
Lindsay says
Beautiful
Christina says
I really appreciate this comment. I had the same thoughts—I wonder if being a ‘50s housewife was all this writer is making it sound like (I already assumed the answer was no). Sin has consumed the heart of all mankind, no matter the time period, so to think of any era as the ‘good ol’ days’ can be misleading (and make it hard to live faithfully in our own time). So again, thank you for this perspective.
I agree with the premise of this post, though. As a work-from-home mom I’ve had to cut back a lot and find the right balance so I can be present with my kids and faithful to God’s calling on my life in this season…and still contribute financially. I’m thankful we live in a time where I’m able to do that. Being a wife and mom is a high calling, but I’ve struggled sometimes with feeling like the hubby and kids ‘get in the way’ of accomplishing a successful career. God’s done a big work on my heart in the past couple years, though, and I now see being able to work as a blessing…but not if it takes away from my ability to be faithful in my roles as a wife and Mom.
Jen says
I love your response. Women come in all shapes and sizes and we will have reached true liberation when we become free to be exactly who God made us. My dear Grandmother was the perfect example of all that a 1950s wife and mother was expected to be and it was only on her deathbed (in her 90s) that we came to find out how devastated she was to have never been able to pursue her passion in teaching. She was forced to resign after her first year of marriage. There are women called to be at home, women called to work while raising children, and women who never have children. There are also plenty of women who have no choice into which category they fall. All should be celebrated and most importantly, supported. Working out of the home does not automatically ruin children any more than staying home guarantees their happiness and success.
KMC says
I love your comment! ❤ Very, very encouraging words. God Bless
Lauren says
Amen!
Clarissa says
I think you misunderstand my article. I believe the Proverbs 31 woman is an example of a hardworking woman. My point is that the right thing – the godly thing for married Christian women – to do is to put their families first, period. That will look different for each family as it is between the husband, wife, and God to decide what that means for their family. This article is a call for us to be UNselfish, to not pursue careers at the determinant of our husband and children, to put them first and ourselves last! A call to be Christ-like (Unselfish), loving our husband and children more than our positions in the world, etc. So much more I could say to set the record straight for the intent of this article but I believe most women come here and read this with their minds set on what they think I am saying or believe and don’t actually get the point. Yes, I do believe in wives submitting to God and husband (Ephesians 5:22-23, etc.), yes I am speaking to “married Christian women” (Titus 2:3-5) not single, widowed, divorced, etc. And maybe, more importantly, I am speaking to CHRISTIAN women. I invite you and all readers to study the Scriptures, speak to their husbands, and seek God’s guidance about their position in life. Also, I come from a farming family where my parents worked side by side in the fields day & night, etc. Technically, my mom was a SAHM, but she was the hardest working woman I ever knew. My grandmothers both were examples of godly character/wives, one of them worked outside of the home in addition to raising 12 children because that was best for her family, the other stayed home and worked hard on the farm while raising ten children because that was best for them… BOTH of them were putting their husbands/children first and fulfilling their God-given role.
Farah Hassan says
I couldn’t agree more, Margaret. I am a Muslim from Malaysia and it was and is the same here too. Only in the recent years that more Muslims here are learning about Islam better that we see more involvement of men in household chores but even that is limited to those who learn or are already accustomed to that kind of upbringing. However, I also understand Clarissa’s fear of going the extreme opposite of pleasing our worldly desires for accomplishments or financial gains at the expense of not putting much time and effort in raising a family or even not starting a family at all purely for the reason of having a career. Thank you so much for the article, Clarissa and you for your comment, Margaret!
Clarissa says
You’re welcome! Thank you for reading and commenting!
De Wheel says
My parents married in 1939, had 10 children, my dad worked and my mom stayed at home. My dad was very involved in rearing us…attended sports events, school events, took us to the doctor, drove us to activities, etc. He also helped my mom around the house and helped with all of the children. I saw the benefits of a SAHM and working dad, but they were partners in their marriage, their home and rearing their children. My dad was very involved and we all reaped the rewards of their marriage, roles, and examples. My parents exhibited godly wisdom in how they lived their lives. I’m forever grateful that God chose them to be my parents. It makes me sad that most children these days do not get to enjoy the childhood and home-life that we did. We were taught respect, manners, accountability for our actions, forgiveness, strong work ethic, honesty, how to work hard and most importantly, the love of God. My dad was a blue-collar worker and he and my mom were excellent money managers. They did without to make sure we had a home, clothes and food. They put God first, then each other and then their children. It was a formula that was highly successful.
Clarissa says
De, i love this! It is what I am striving for!! This is what I am promoting in this article. Yes, it takes both husband and wife putting God first and then each other and then their children! For the purpose of this article I was addressing married Christian women specifically. It’s sad that it’s not common for godly women to be SAHMs. I hope to encourage those who are SAHMs!
Linda says
This is the best comment ever! I was thinking the same thing, that people were looking at the “1950s housewife” through rose colored glasses.
Leslie Andrew-Pascucci says
*Recognization * is not a word.
Clarissa says
I beg to differ 🙂 http://www.dictionary.com/browse/recognization It is indeed a word, though old-fashioned, it may be.
Sandra says
I’m not of Christian faith but I do believe this country whole heartedly went to crap shortly after the end of WWII and Vietnam was the cherry on the cake. I know in my heart women truly run the world but we need to go back to doing it the way we used to. We ran the world by running our houses our children and being involved in our husband’s lives. Letting men believe they ran the world kept them busy and coming home every night. The way things are now is killing us all.
Sheila says
Love this post! Stay at home moms are STRONG women, they take on everything that has to do with shaping morals and values at home. I enjoy the idea of this message,as long as it doesnt go to the extreme.(aka: moms that dont want to do anything but sit at home, and men that arent involved with family because of work). As long as God is the center of the home, there will be love, and there will be a balance between society and family. Its sad to see that so many children go through negligence because of busy busy parents.
Clarissa says
I agree!
Noeline says
Hi there! Even though I agree with a lot of what you’ve written here, I feel I need to chime in. (I’m not a mom yet, but a woman, almost wife and hopefully someday mom… )
100% yes your family and household should ALWAYS be your first priority, but it should also always be your husbands first priority.
As a Christian I feel very strongly about Christian judgement, and working moms have enough guilt as it is.
Women are, and should be, able and free to decide whether they want to be a homemaker or a working mom. As long as God and family stays their first priority. But this should be expected from our husbands as well.
We are so lucky and blessed to live in an era where women have the freedom to choose their lifestyle, and we should never take that for granted.
I don’t mean this as criticism at all, and I really hear how you mean this. I just feel we as women should empower and support each other and God will lead each of us and our families according to His plan.
Clarissa says
I believe the Proverbs 31 woman is an example of a hardworking woman. My point is that the right thing – the godly thing for married Christian women – to do is to put their families first, period. That will look different for each family as it is between the husband, wife, and God to decide what that means for their family. This article is a call for us to be UNselfish, to not pursue careers at the determinant of our husband and children, to put them first and ourselves last! A call to be Christ-like (Unselfish), loving our husband and children more than our positions in the world, etc. So much more I could say to set the record straight for the intent of this article but I believe most women come here and read this with their minds set on what they think I am saying or believe and don’t actually get the point. Yes, I do believe in wives submitting to God and husband (Ephesians 5:22-23, etc.), yes I am speaking to “married Christian women” (Titus 2:3-5) not single, widowed, divorced, etc. And maybe, more importantly, I am speaking to CHRISTIAN women. I invite you and all readers to study the Scriptures, speak to their husbands, and seek God’s guidance about their position in life. Also, I come from a farming family where my parents worked side by side in the fields day & night, etc. Technically, my mom was a SAHM, but she was the hardest working woman I ever knew. My grandmothers both were examples of godly character/wives, one of them worked outside of the home in addition to raising 12 children because that was best for her family, the other stayed home and worked hard on the farm while raising ten children because that was best for them… BOTH of them were putting their husbands/children first and fulfilling their God-given role.
Deborah says
I do get the romantic idea, but the 1950’s werent perfect, just like the lady earlier said. I am very happy to live today. My husband and I share all responsabilities. We both work, we both cook, we both clean and raise our child. After our child was born I’ve spend quite some time at home and I learned that I’m not made to be a Stay at Home mom. Working makes me a better person, more enjoyable wife and more patient mom. I take pride in the way me ánd my husband have decided to share all responsabilities. I hate to garden, he loves it so he does that. He hates to do laundry, I don’t mind so I do that etc.
Pam Addington says
Goodness Clarissa! Loved, loved, loved this article. As a now working mom with grown children I can tell you that there is no more important role than that of a mama. I wouldn’t trade one minute of my life when my kids were little. Time goes so fast where raising children are concerned. I believe that this is the real issue in society today. We’re too busy keeping up with the Jones’ and our children are the collateral damage. Preach on!
Denise says
Let me start by saying I have been married 12 years to the father of my two children. In the years since I met my husband I have scarcely worked. I have always admired women that run a tight ship and raise upstanding children. I agreed with most of this article until you tried to tell me that it’s my Godly duty to stay home. So married women with children can’t be called by God to do anything outside the home? Women weren’t created to have babies AND deliver them as a doctor? Women can’t love their husbands AND have a maid do the cooking and cleaning? Women shouldn’t protect their families AND their community as a police officer? Am I a horrible wife, mother, and person if I feel a need to to fulfill wants and needs outside my home?
Clarissa says
I think you misunderstand my article. I never said women never “worked” in the 1950s or that they should never work now. I believe the Proverbs 31 woman is an example of a hardworking woman. My point is that the right thing – the godly thing for married Christian women – to do is to put their families first, period. That will look different for each family as it is between the husband, wife, and God to decide what that means for their family. This article is a call for us to be UNselfish, to not pursue careers at the determinant of our husband and children, to put them first and ourselves last! A call to be Christ-like (Unselfish), loving our husband and children more than our positions in the world, etc. So much more I could say to set the record straight for the intent of this article but I believe most women come here and read this with their minds set on what they think I am saying or believe and don’t actually get the point. Yes, I do believe in wives submitting to God and husband (Ephesians 5:22-23, etc.), yes I am speaking to “married Christian women” (Titus 2:3-5) not single, widowed, divorced, etc. And maybe, more importantly, I am speaking to CHRISTIAN women. I invite you and all readers to study the Scriptures, speak to their husbands, and seek God’s guidance about their position in life. Also, I come from a farming family where my parents worked side by side in the fields day & night, etc. Technically, my mom was a SAHM, but she was the hardest working woman I ever knew. My grandmothers both were examples of godly character/wives, one of them worked outside of the home in addition to raising 12 children because that was best for her family, the other stayed home and worked hard on the farm while raising ten children because that was best for them… BOTH of them were putting their husbands/children first and fulfilling their God-given role.
Jeny says
The decision to stay at home or work is made on a personal level. I completely disgree that married women have the moral biblical obligation to stay at home..Some.women need the extra money, some need the friendship of coleaugues.Not everyone is born with the same personality, and we are not living in medieval times, Not all women function at their best when are forced to stay home.Society progressed for the right reasons, to give opportunities to all.What is important is we teach our children the right things, and live as an example to them.
Anna says
Totally disagree and feel as if this is a slap in the face to MANY Godly women who have no choice BUT to work. Life is not about doing what one CHOOSES to do but how they use the TALENTS given them by God for the betterment of the entire world (you know that whatsoever you do to the least of my brethren). I was married for 20 years to a man who cheated on me, spent the family money on his own selfish needs and wants and did everything in his power to force me to work sometimes multiple jobs all while keeping a home and rearing 5 children. I prayed and my answer was not this rosy oh my child be a homemaker, work from home. First of all the Lord did not make me a patient soul. Staying home esconsed in that role would have tried my short fuse over and over especially knowing my kids would have had no food, clothing etc without my leaving the home to work. God did not give me the talents to be a sales person so MOST work at home jobs are not in my ability. Rather I worked. My kids went to *GASP* day care, ate Pizza a lot of nights, and truth be told slept on sheets that should have been washed weeks prior. I’m divorced now. I still work 2 jobs. Child 1 is a combat engine in the military and a street dept worker using his skills from the military. Child 2 is an account Executive for the NBA with a degree in Sport Mgmt. Child 3 is heading to college in the fall to earn a degree in Marketing. 4 and 5 are still home. Sone days I work 15 hours between both jobs. I receive NO support from their father because the day before we went to court he fell asleep at his job and was terminated. This was the 3rd job he was terminated from in 6 years. God gave me the talents to raise the children He entrusted to me. My house is NOT the most kept on the block. My kids still eat take out more than I care to admit and I rarely wear make up but any other life IS NOT using my talents to the best of my ability and would be a sin.
Dell says
Clarissa, I’d like to offer one slight correction to something you said above. I’ve read 2-3 books about the period of WWII and the years directly after that indicated that while some women after the war did want to keep their jobs, their were many many more that were more than happy, and downright anxious, to return to their role of homemaker. One reason was that they had seen first hand how much more stressful their lives had been during the war. Of course part of it was the stress of husband being away and all the uncertainty and fears. But in addition to that they had become concerned that the home, aside from the stresses I just mentioned, was not a peaceful place. They saw the effect on their children of not having mom there when kids came home from school. They had witnessed their fatigue, and realized that in coping with the understandable fatigue they let their parenting and things connected to their homemakers role slide a little at times. They hated not having the time to do those small things they had done before that made home a peaceful place. They wanted to eturn to what they saw as their real career! People often overlook that women staying in the workforce after the war meant that the husbands and fathers who came home sometimes had difficulty finding jobs. How was that a good thing? I wish I could give you the titles of the books, but I have long ago given the books away. I think perhaps one may have been just titled London. Another was the result of a project by the British government to interview women to document their experiences during and after wartime. Anyway, I found all this very interesting and know you will as well.
Clarissa says
I absolutely appreciate your comment and for sharing your knowledge!! In my research (though not extensive), I did find that there were women who knew that being a housewife/homemaker was indeed most important, and it is these women I am applauding and holding up as an example in my post. Thank you so much for chiming in!
Jessica Carson says
This article was a blessing and encouragement. I am currently a full-time working mom and long and desire to be a homemaker. My husband and I have accrued quite a bit of debt and we are currently working towards financial freedom in order for me to stay at home. I am longing to have more children as well. I got saved on June 6, 2013 and my life was transformed and along with that my desires changed. My husband was saved as a child and his father is our pastor as well. I desire to homeschool my children like my husband was. Through prayer and endurance I’m hoping the Lord will allow us to be able accomplish this lifestyle. God Bless you!
Clarissa says
I’m so glad you were encouraged! God bless you and your family!
Bobbi says
Thought this was very encouraging as i have the blessing to stay at home and raise our daughter. Thank you so much!
Clarissa says
Thank you so much for your kind words! I am glad you found it encouraging!
Andrea says
Thank you for this ! I am a mother of four and have done everything for daycare to homesales to try my best to be a full time mom and wife and thought I could do it all. What I found out was I could not give half of myself to work and half to my family it was all falling apart. Three years ago I was working full time and my marriage was failing. Then I had a medical issue that landed me in a wheelchair. I was devastated! What I did not understand at the time God takes pain and suffering and can turn it to good. I was a full time mom again. My husband and I reunited and we are stronger than ever. Being a mother and a wife is all I ever wanted and even though I have not regained my ability to walk but God has rewarded me with so much more. Thank you for your wonderful words of inspiration
Clarissa says
God bless you! Thank you so much for sharing, YOU are an inspiration to me!!
Katelynn Hegedus says
Great post overall!
A lot of young people now are in awe at how wives can just up and quit their jobs once they get married. It was something I did with very little planning, and we just make it work the way we need to. Now, as a mother, there are things I do to contribute financially, as well as run the home. My husband is exemplary – helping with anything and everything I ask of him and sharing the parenting duties more than I ever would have imagined.
The 1950s husband/wife rolls were very different from what we see today, even in homes where the wife decides not to pursue a career.
I say do what works for your own family, as long as everyone is happy and fulfilled and living a Christ-centered life! Realizing not every home has the option for the mother to stay home! Yes, there are usually ways to make it work, but not always, especially in more expensive areas of the world 🙂
Julie says
I really enjoyed this post! The pull to hold down a career while caring for a husband and children is real. Although I’m completely happy being home with my family and praise the Lord that I have the option to do so, I still get vibes from extended family who don’t really understand why I’m not teaching music (I have a degree in music ed) while also teaching my own little ones. I’m beyond blessed that my husband wants me to be at home as much as I want to be. It’s been the best thing for both my marriage and my little ones!
Jackie S. says
Our local newscast yesterday had a article about why women should NOT be stay at home moms for the first 5 years of a child’s life. The just assumed that after a child turned 5 that mom would go back to work. I never worked, (except for a few short times, after I was married. I didn’t want to. I applaud you for encouraging women to become a 1950’s housewife but I really think you should encourage them to be more of a Pre 1950 ‘s housewife. After WWII so many shortcuts were put into cooking and really cleaning. Many of the additives they put in these shortcuts are really injurious to everyone. The major one is that they put sulfates, sulfites and sulfonamides into not only cleaning and personal products but also food. This is one of the most dangerous additive because if persons who are allergic to sulfa don’t realize that they are derivatives of Sulfa. They also effect the body differently than other allergens. They effect every part of your body. They cause Arthritis or Fibriomyalgia and Chronic Pain It can effect your brain and your cognitive ability. It causes damage to so many parts of your body that it is not funny.
I am working on a Historical Home Economics course and it will go from preK (about age 3) to 12th grade. Hopefully when the kids are finished they will have a cookbook of recipes that they already know how to cook.
One last thing I wish to tell people is that there are a lot of natural foods that contain Sulfates. But unless you have adulterated your body systems they should not bother you unless you are so allergic to sulfa that it causes Anaphalactic Shock.
By the way the curriculum will be totally free. I will copyright it so that no one can ever sell it. It is too important for young people to know to sell it.
Be careful of what you eat.
Clarissa says
I agree with you and I appreciate you sharing your knowledge!! I do agree that pre-1950’s is even better. I chose to focus on the 1950’s era only because there was pressure on both sides of the spectrum, for women to work and/or stay home. Prior to the World Wars, it was expected and respected that women would stay home for the most part. The women who chose to stay(or go back) home after the wars are the ones I am applauding for their strength to do what was right. But, yes, the food industry went down hill after the wars.
Danielle says
Well said. Thanks for sharing!
Kristin says
I really enjoyed this. I have been a stay at home wife and mother for most of my son’s life. I worked for four years when he was small (aged 1 to 5) and I wish I could have been home then. I went back to work to help my husband because he was struggling with his job, and very anxious about providing for us. My son is now 17 and we have two more years left of homeschool before he goes off to college. I am now wondering what to do. I don’t think I can be a stay at home wife without a child at home to care for. My husband is okay with me going back to work now if I want to, and definitely when my son goes away to school. I can’t imagine staying at home once he is grown. If there were a network of other housewives I might feel differently. As it is, I am the only housewife around where I live. It can get rather lonely.
Clarissa says
Once your son is grown up I don’t think there is anything wrong with going back to school, getting a job doing something you love, working from home, etc. especially if you are careful to still have time to do the things you’ve done as a housewife/homemaker and be there for your husband without the work/school getting in the way. Just minus the stay-at-home-mom stuff and replace that time with a productive hobby, schooling, or job. Become self-employed and work for yourself part time from home (that’s what I do with this blog and everything that goes into managing it, as well as being an independent consultant with 3 different companies!)… Or volunteer that time to a worthy cause you feel passionate about. Or, put that time into doing even more housewife and homemaking things that are going to build your marriage, etc. And enjoy your “retirement” 😉 So many options! And congratulations on being an awesome mom and wife and doing what’s best even when it’s hard! God bless you!
Julie Turner says
There is so much more to being a housewife than what most modern people think. Its not only about cooking and cleaning. Its also baking, cake decorating, gardening, growing a kitchen garden and herbs, decorating your home, bread making, crafts, Bible studies, sewing for family, sewing for the home,making gifts for birthdays and christmas and so much more. There is no end to the skills a housewife may possess.
Clarissa says
Yes, very true!
Alannah says
I value being a housewife. It’s my first choice. Plus, barring extenuating circumstances,who could be turned on by a man who couldn’t provide and protect? Who wants a husband that treats them as a roommate?
Sabrina says
I wanted to be a stay at home mom, and was for the first 2 years, but the husband always wanted more and more material things. I thought I could please him by working and bringing in more income, but there was never enough. My son helped me run my home based business but when he left home, my heart just wasn’t in it anymore. The husband only helped when it benefited him. The husband decided to go his way and I went mine. Now my son is married with kids. He loves to play with them, and let them help when he’s working around the house. He remembers what it was like not to have an active dad and how I was there for him. He’s a better daddy because he knows what it’s like not to have one. He’s a good husband because he knows how it can hurt the wife when you are selfish and overbearing. He’s a good son because he remembered what I was going through but still gave him all the love and care I could and I did the best I could. He’s a good worker because he knows as long as he has a good job, he can provide for his family and his wife will be able to care for the family. They make a great team. Together they are raising kids that will know how to love, share, discuss, agree and respect others. In the end, that is what we all need to work towards.
Beth says
Excuse me, but I think you spent so much time writing about what God told you to do that you failed to realize that what he told you to do isn’t necessarily what he told every other woman to do. I will greatly enjoy being a stay at home if and when God decides it is my time to be one, but until then God has asked me to work as he certainly has with many other women. I agree that the work of a woman in the home should be valued and not deminished in any way, but I do not agree with your suggesting that women are doing wrong simply because God did not give them the same commands.
Megan says
This. 100%. I stumbled on this blog/post through Pinterest. Thought it was going to be much different than it was. Wavering between disbelief and annoyance.
I’m a hardworking wife, mom and RN. Pretty dang happy with all 3 of those things.
Clarissa says
Ephesians 5:22-23, Titus 2:3-5, etc.
Tabitha says
Woman engineers who design bridges and medical equipmemt, woman IT professionals who design robots and drones, woman doctors who save lives and research disease, woman therapists who heal… should they have not succumbed to their “fleshly desires” and wanted to be ”approved of” by man? I don’t know a single woman who earned a Ph.D and put herself through the struggle who did it to be approved of by anybody. If they wanted to be approved of they would have put on high heels and taken their clothes off. Women are built to be sharp, caring, pay attention to detail, focused, and empathetic and more. How is it wrong to use that to do more if you have the privilege and opportunity to? I am in no way trying to insult anyone here or any stay at home mom. What you do for your families is great but it is strange to think that the speech pathologist who helps your child speak after they have a stroke in utero, the woman who cleans your kids’ teeth and fills their cavities, or the woman who is a janitor at their school are all considered less “Biblical” or Godly than a woman who stays at home. Without women, this world doesn’t function. That is something to be proud of, not sorrowful for how “disobedient” you feel they’re being.
Clarissa says
I wrote this to encourage married Christian wives/mothers in their biblical calling, duty, and purpose. I simply want to encourage each married Christian wife/mother to study God’s Word and see what He says about being a wife and mother.
Grandma G. says
Dear Clarissa, I fully respect your right to believe as you see fit and your right to express your values. I also believe that if feasible and BOTH the husband and wife agree that a wife should stay home to care for him and their children, that’s what they should do. I also believe you do not mean your opinion to be condescending, but it does come across that way a little bit. You say you wish CHRISTIAN married women to be SAHM’s, but what about non-Christians? Arabic women, Muslims or otherwise, Chinese, Japanese, Malaysians Jews, Africans, Buddhists, even atheists, don’t they matter or are they not good enough for your paradigm? That would not be what God intends.
Again, I truly believe you mean well and I support much of what you say. But there is a much bigger picture here and that is the DOWNFALL of the FAMILY UNIT, whether Christian or not. Young people are not being taught common sense, life skills, good manners, decent morals, internal courage, how to be unselfish, loving and kind. I believe it started when Dr. Spock wanted us to protect a child’s self esteem, or ego, or whatever you wish to call it. God forbid you spank a child or discipline them – you give them “time out”.- which is sometimes appropriate but real discipline is LOVE, not punishment and it teaches right from wrong.. Too many of today’s children have been allowed to be “expressive”, to always “feel good” about themselves. An example – in team games and sports for little ones, everyone gets an award, everyone’s a “winner”.. The real world doesn’t work that way. In a job, you are not coddled, you must do your job to your best ability and not expect a pat on the back all of the time. You must learn to work with others and encourage one another, not just look out for yourself. There are 20 and 30-somethings out there now who are devastated by a little corrective criticism and don’t know how to deal with it. They are insecure because no one has taught them how to be tough (not mean, but strong and self-sufficient). Schools no longer teach basics, colleges offer ridiculous classes just so students can graduate, and many do – yet they can’t read or write competently and lack life skills such as how to handle money or a bank account, so they end up in debt. And that isn’t the end of it, our government insists on giving “hand-outs” which encourage immorality, laziness and crime. Women have children by different fathers without the benefit of marriage, people use drugs, alcohol and have never been appropriately disciplined or taught decent values so they perpetuate themselves because they don’t know any better, and the cycle continues. I know I’m rambling here but this is becoming an epidemic and it’s frightening.
The world NEEDS your example of a solid family with parents who take responsibility for their own lives and their children’s lives. I hope people (Christian and/or non-Christian) see the value in your example and step up to restore families and family values. But preaching Bible verses at them doesn’t work – your example is the best way to teach.
Too many of those debt-ridden college graduates I mentioned get out in the real world, search for employment and have a hard time finding it – I feel for them. But they’ve not be given the tools for success and many of them have been so pampered that they expect automatically to earn oodles of money and status. Instead, their discouragement can lead them into things they shouldn’t because they have no self-discipline, let along self-respect. They have no example of mature, genuine love so they fall in lust, marry while still drowning in debt and have don’t know how to manage their lives, especially through difficult times.. The result is often a broken marriage, children traumatized by divorce and mothers struggling to make ends meet. This is why I believe in your example of family solidarity and values. However the idea a woman must give her all to her husband and children and be completely selfless is a little much. She needs to take care of herself as well, not just give endlessly – she can’t take care of them unless she takes care of herself and be cared for as well.. There must be a balance.
By the way, I AM a Christian and grew up in a Christian home in the 1950’s and 60’s.. My parents were decent, hardworking, honest and caring people. Back then, most of the mothers were SAHM’s and all the moms in the neighborhood knew one another, as did the kids, and those moms looked after us all. If you skinned a knee in front of Mrs. B’s house, she took you in and cleaned it up. If my little girlfriend “J” was at my house at dinnertime, my mom would call her mom to say she was having dinner at our house. We had to wait for dad to get home, the radios and TV were turned off, “J” and I set the table and we all sat down to eat after saying Grace, and we ate what was put in front of us.. If I got naughty at Mrs. H’s house, I got a swat on the fanny and the news got home before I did, so I got it twice! I was NOT beaten, bruised or mistreated. I was never slapped in the face or called “stupid” (something appalling which I have seen mothers do to their children-talk about messing with their self esteem). But mom had a thin piece of wood about 3″ wide and 14″ inches long with a handle she gripped and the words “Board of Education” painted on it. That thing stung on my backside and I was 14 before I could outrun her! There were 3 of us kids and it did us NO harm, it was always on top of clothing and we got the message. We also were sat down and required to explain why what we did was wrong. It was intended to teach us and it worked. (We also lost privileges which was worse than a single smack on the backside). We were taught how to handle money and we had to earn it by doing chores.. You might think mom was a harpy – but no – we’d walk home from school on a very cold day and she’d have a homemade snack for us and socks she’d warmed in the dryer for our cold little feet. She and dad said prayers over us every night at bedtime and loved us unconditionally. Dad never made more than $6,000/yr and we didn’t have luxuries but we felt secure and KNEW we were loved. When we got older mom took part-time jobs to help out. She was supportive of my dad and he was supportive of her, not perfect of course but a great team. I miss them. My husband and I did not have children but I raised his daughter from a previous marriage (sadly, his first wife was mentally unstable and abusive). She was very difficult at first, but with patience, consistency, appropriate discipline and lots of love, we got through to her. Today she is a successful businesswoman with a grown son and we are very close.. I regret that she chose the wrong man to marry but I’m glad she gave us a grandson to love. My family wasn’t perfect but we turned out OK, mainly because mom and dad were committed to one another and worked through the tough times. I believe as long as a husband and wife work as a consistent, loving team, it doesn’t matter if mom works outside the home. Both my husband and I worked full time before retirement. For many years, we lived in a VERY small home and I would have gone STIR-CRAZY if I hadn’t had a job! I still cleaned, cooked and sewed and as I said, my daughter turned out well. Not every family needs a SAHM. Again, I respect your values and agree that many of this country’s problem could be solved if we could go back to a better family dynamic. But please, don’t preach at people. You have the “cookie”, offer it to others and allow them to accept it or not. If they DO accept your example, God bless them and if they don’t, ask God to bless them more – they need it.
May the Good Lord above bless you and your family always.
Clarissa says
Sounds like we are on the same page for the most part.
I use God’s Word because it is the only solid, unchanging Truths that I can share.
Grandma G. says
Dear Clarissa,
God’s Word is not the only solid truth you can share. You can (and already do) share of yourself. God’s Word is a wonderful way of bringing people to Christ, it’s just not the only way. I explain further below….
With respect, I believe you missed my point. We are called to spread God’s word, it’s part of our responsibility as Christians. Your life example is one of the best forms of evangelism. Unfortunately, people don’t react well to having religion shoved down their throats, they tend push back or throw up. Sadly, In my 68 years I have seen this happen many times.
That’s what I was implying with my cookie metaphor.
Keep on doing what you’re doing relative to your family life. Tell people about it, share it on your blog – it’s wonderful that you are able to do this and share it with others. Your example and experience ARE evangelism. But not all people want Bible verses pushed at them as the answer to everything, (even though you and I know it’s true), especially when presented as responses with no accompanying explanation or reason. Everyone grows and develops in his or her faith differently. Share His amazing love with others, but please, tread softly and don’t push quite so hard. Very often, less is more. Try to respect the fact that some people are “testing the waters” of Christianity and may be intimidated by someone with such excellent knowledge of the Bible. Try relating to the point of view of others and respond with your kind heart instead. As I have said, you and your family are a wonderful example. Your postings about living as a SAHM and Christian family life can and will draw others in and create a desire in them to know more. THAT’s when the door is open for you to begin teaching Biblical truths.
I know God smiles on you for your devotion to Him.
Blessings always.
Clarissa says
Thank you for a very thoughtful and respectful conversation. I understand what you are saying – and in-person that makes even more sense (I don’t walk up to strangers and simply quote scriptures or introduce myself to new neighbors by preaching to them). However, on the internet (and especially within my own website) I am desiring to teach women who are searching for God’s Truths. I do share my own thoughts with the general public on my blog, of course, but desire to back up my beliefs with scripture.
Tabitha says
I suppose a more direct question for me to ask then, as a person in pursuit of a Godly life, would be this: as a person in the position of a trusted counselor, do you believe that using my God-given talents in a profession outside my home is wrong?
Clarissa says
I believe your husband (if married) and children (if you have them) must come first before a career. Other than that, I can’t be the judge of whether or not you *should* be working outside of the home. Seek the counsel of your husband and God’s Word with the sincere desire to be guided by them both.
Grandma G. says
Again, dear Clarissa, I still believe that you have not understood what I mean and perhaps never will. That’s alright with me.. Some of your beliefs about the relationship between a husband and wife are a tad medieval. And that’s OK too! We can agree to disagree. God in his wisdom allows for this as long as long as we do so without rancor. You still have my respect from one Christian to another because I know God loves us both.. But despite having the Bible as a guide, I am unable to reconcile your perspective for many reasons, some of which I’ve already explained.
I know that we will continue to disagree no matter what. Even so I want you to know that I pray that God blesses you with a long, happy, healthy life, filled with His love and the love of your family.
Above all…love.
Renee says
You are glorifying and glamorizing an aspect of history that was neither glorious or glamorous. Women had no choice but to be a housewife to say “most” were satisfied in this role is ignorant at best. Most had no other choice. Why didn’t women want to go back to the home after WWII? Because, as providers for the families, they say the potential of equality for the sexes. They saw a potential end to faithful wives and unfaithful husbands. They saw a potential end to smiling through domestic abuse because they had no financial means of their own to get out. They saw a potential end to be controlled, emotionally and financially to a husband simply because of their gender. Oh, and you’re neglecting that not all women COULD stay home. Poor women, minority women had to work. “God’s perfect plan” is not to have wives in the home pooping out kids and whipping up meals, a vision that then implies poor women and women of color are excluded from God’s perfect plan. If He has set down a plan, it is to have peace and equality between genders and races and classes. And giving ALL parents the CHOICE to work or stay home is how that’s achieved. You should read “The Way We Never Were.” It’s about this myth that gets perpetuated that things were so wonderful “back in the day.” Ya know when things are wonderful? When we all work together to make them so.
Clarissa says
I find this comment very disrespectful, sad, and full of hate. I would not have even allowed it to be published because of the vulgar language used to describe the most beautiful experience given to women – the birth of their children… however, I had to publish it in order to reply and I wanted to let you – Renee – know that I will say a prayer for you. May God soften your heart and open your eyes to the blessing it is to be a woman of God!
And for the comments saying that I am glorifying/glamorizing the 1950’s, believe me, I know they were not a perfect time (there is no such thing) and I fully understand that men can abuse their authority. However, I am speaking directly to Christian (married) women and encouraging them to seek to live how God instructs them to in His Word. His truths never change! The 1950’s were simply used as a comparison – not as a standard. The Holy Bible is the only standard I want anyone to try to live up to!
Meesha says
Thank you Clarissa. Being a homemaker for over 25 years, this article was most encouraging and beautifully said. Wishing you a very merry Christmas!
Clarissa says
Thank you so much!! Merry Christmas to you and yours!
Sandi says
Clarissa, I can see where you are coming from. I grew up in the 50’s, I lived it. Life was simpler for the most part. Families were closer then, than they are today. Couples stayed together, either because women didn’t have the choice or because they didn’t want to divorce and be on their own. Some may say they were to weak to divorce, but I think they thought more of the family staying together and being strong was the better thing to do. Not all men were bad at their role of husband and father and care-giver and supporter. Not all women were great at being the glue that held them all together, either. Each woman had a choice, but most grew up with their roles already defined by their upbringing. Many were happy to be a housewife and mother and took pride in what they accomplished as such. My mother worked outside the home before she was married and met my father, her husband, while working for his mother who owned a care center/nursing home for the elderly and infirm, and those from the wars. My grandmother was a nurse, not by schooling but by working with doctors and other nurses as there was a great need for them. My grandmother was also married 5 times in her 50 years on this earth because she loved being a wife, mother and care-giver. She took pride in her abilities to be a home-maker, wife, and worked outside the home. My mother also worked outside the home while raising 3 children. I have fond memories of our families, my mothers brothers and sisters and us all having great times together in everything we did along with my father’s mother and sister too. Vacations were always spent together doing things, loads of cousins, aunts and uncles. My parents never left us with babysitters, but always took us with them. My aunt would watch me when my mother worked in the summer months and there wasn’t any school. I was too young to be on my own so every summer I spent with my aunt and uncle and their children. I miss those years. I think with the explosion of technology that has happened in these later years has had a detrimental effect on family life as we know it along with laws that have been the opposite of family values and life. The 50’s was known as “The Good Ole Days” because there was a lot of good about those days.
Catherine says
I lived during that time,as a child. It was a wonderful time. Then I married young and kept rolling the 50’s lifestyle. I loved raising my children and doing those things! My husband looks led it also. This should not be controversial, it should be embraced! I felt very blessed.
Clarissa says
so true Catherine!
Elle says
Hello 🙂 I just want to commend you for your courage…not a lot of women can do what you do – write the truth when you know that a huge majority of people will not be able to accept it. We live in an evil, foolish world where there are more false followers of Christ than there are real ones. I was browsing through all the comments and realized that that is how we will always be as Christians – rejected, misunderstood and most of all, persecuted (just like our Savior). Keep up the good work, Clarissa! ^_^ Your article made me hopeful. Women like us (a few of us) look forward to being encouraged by women like you. 🙂 I pray you will continue to be a salt and light to the world…because we need it. And you will never know whose life you touch. Thank you. :). I heard this in a sermon once – In fulfilling the divinely given roles taught in the New Testament, women are able to realize their full potential because they are following the plan of their own Creator and Designer. Only in obedience to Him and His design will women truly be able, in the fullest sense, to give glory to God.
Your family is blessed to have you.
Clarissa says
Thank you so much!! You are a huge encouragement to me, thank you for taking the time to comment!!! To God be the glory, great things HE has done!!
Barbara says
I was raised in the fifties and sixties on a farm and in a very small town. I loved my childhood! Dad provided and Mom was housewife and homemaker. She taught herself to sew, can vegetables, fruits, and meat, refinish furniture, cane chairs, and so much more. She served her parish, belonged to a violet club, and visited with neighbors. I loved those times of sitting at the kitchen table and listening to adult conversations—whether it be about a new recipe found in a farm magazine, or having received the latest catalog in the mail. Our school was small and everyone knew everyone. Respect was foremost in and out of home. My parents argued and didn’t always agree, but their marriage was stable and happy. How they loved to dance and have card parties with relatives, neighbors, and friends. I am truly blessed to have had four siblings and parents who were present! Nothing beat coming home from school and having Mom listen about our day (and if we were lucky, she would be make making homemade donuts) These are the values and work ethic my husband (also raised quite similar to me) and I have passed on to our children. I worry about the busyness of parents and their children, along with social media.. Take time, have meals together, and remember to love your family first.
Clarissa says
Thank you for commenting and great words!
Serena says
The realist in me can’t help but worry about the “what if’s” in life. I’m in my 30’s and have seen several friends lose husbands to diseases, accidents, etc. And unfortunately, the SAHMs are in the worst positions to handle financial burdens placed on their families. What if my husband loses his job? Is in a catastrophic accident? I won’t even tackle the idea of divorce. But my point being, the reality for many of us is that working outside the home is often a necessity. I am the product of a home with two working parents, and I have a fantastic relationship with my mother. She was a great role model-her job was important (teacher) and I was proud of that. If being a SAHM is what you feel compelled to do, then that’s fantastic. But not everyone can, or should, chose that same path.
Clarissa says
I believe the Proverbs 31 woman is an example of a hardworking woman. My point is that the right thing – the godly thing for married Christian women – to do is to put their families first, period. That will look different for each family as it is between the husband, wife, and God to decide what that means for their family. This article is a call for us to be UNselfish, to not pursue careers at the determinant of our husband and children, to put them first and ourselves last! A call to be Christ-like (Unselfish), loving our husband and children more than our positions in the world, etc. So much more I could say to set the record straight for the intent of this article but I believe most women come here and read this with their minds set on what they think I am saying or believe and don’t actually get the point. Yes, I do believe in wives submitting to God and husband (Ephesians 5:22-23, etc.), yes I am speaking to “married Christian women” (Titus 2:3-5) not single, widowed, divorced, etc. And maybe, more importantly, I am speaking to CHRISTIAN women. I invite you and all readers to study the Scriptures, speak to their husbands, and seek God’s guidance about their position in life. Also, I come from a farming family where my parents worked side by side in the fields day & night, etc. Technically, my mom was a SAHM, but she was the hardest working woman I ever knew. My grandmothers both were examples of godly character/wives, one of them worked outside of the home in addition to raising 12 children because that was best for her family, the other stayed home and worked hard on the farm while raising ten children because that was best for them… BOTH of them were putting their husbands/children first and fulfilling their God-given role.
LJK says
It seems everyone wants to give their “2 Cents”. I want to support you in what you said Clarissa. Ironically, my husband and I had this exact conversation the other night (even the part about war). The question I was trying to express to him was how I should respond to other women while having the firmly held belief that God intended for women to fill this role. I want to encourage the women around me no matter their choice of work, but I also don’t want to lie to them (or guilt them) for not choosing something that I think God purposefully calls all married and mothering women to. (This is what I’ve dedicated my daily hours to after all- they obviously know I am passionate about it, whether I say it outloud or not! So how do I not offend while living in what I’m called to?) We all have enough self-guilt, I don’t want to add to it. On the other hand, I silently acknowledge that their guilt may actually be God convicting them that they are outside their God intended role. (The man’s curse in the garden was that women will want to rule over the men. I can’t help but ponder that in this situation… does working take away from their husbands role as provider and head of the house and turn this into a game of equals in role as well?) It is so easy to feel (personally and as a society) that performance gives us our value, but that’s not true and I want to watch that lie. Bringing in money doesn’t give me my value. Being a wife and mom doesn’t give me my value. My only worth is in the grace that God has forgiven me of my sins and called me His own. I also want to note that as these comments show: moms who work at home fear the stay at home moms are judging them, to which the stay at home mom also fears that the work at home moms are judging them (based off of their defensiveness)… and round and round it goes. Take it up with the Lord, ladies, and your husbands and stop fighting with eachother. Encourage one another in growing closer to God!
Clarissa says
Thank you. I desire to encourage women who have chosen to be SAHM that they are indeed pursuing a godly calling despite what the world says around them!
Vanessa says
This was encouraging! I agree that making money is not wrong, but has its place in the priority list a biblical woman will want to work from.
Clarissa says
Thank you, so true!
Winny says
I think women can choose how to take care of family by working or be home taking care of household. Of course if situation allows to choose. Good story just didn’t like all “GOD” thing mushed in article. First there is no proof of Good unless you take seriously all man belived gods ever on planet earth, as there are like hundreds of god kinds in all kind of cultures.
Rae says
I come from farmers. No one stayed home. Everyone worked, all day, everyday, and lots of nights if an animal was sick. My grandmother’s were wonderful Christian women even by your standards, but would never pass for the stay at home wife you seem to appreciate so much. My dad says that must have been the rich city families who had that life because no one they knew did. My mother’s first husband died, and she made her daughter her first priority by working and supporting her, and using the life insurance money for my sisters future. Again, you’re post devalues her as a mom and a woman and it’s just the tip of the ice berg. You say you want to value stay at home women, but you’re just spreading that same judgment that you feel like you’re subject to. Why not focus on that part of the religion that is supposed to lift people up- especially the people you don’t agree with.
Clarissa says
I think you misunderstand my article. I never said women never “worked” in the 1950s or that they should never work now. I believe the Proverbs 31 woman is an example of a hardworking woman. My point is that the right thing – the godly thing for married Christian women – to do is to put their families first, period. That will look different for each family as it is between the husband, wife, and God to decide what that means for their family. This article is a call for us to be UNselfish, to not pursue careers at the determinant of our husband and children, to put them first and ourselves last! A call to be Christ-like (Unselfish), loving our husband and children more than our positions in the world, etc. So much more I could say to set the record straight for the intent of this article but I believe most women come here and read this with their minds set on what they think I am saying or believe and don’t actually get the point. Yes, I do believe in wives submitting to God and husband (Ephesians 5:22-23, etc.), yes I am speaking to “married Christian women” (Titus 2:3-5) not single, widowed, divorced, etc. And maybe, more importantly, I am speaking to CHRISTIAN women. I invite you and all readers to study the Scriptures, speak to their husbands, and seek God’s guidance about their position in life. Also, I come from a farming family where my parents worked side by side in the fields day & night, etc. Technically, my mom was a SAHM, but she was the hardest working woman I ever knew. My grandmothers both were examples of godly character/wives, one of them worked outside of the home in addition to raising 12 children because that was best for her family, the other stayed home and worked hard on the farm while raising ten children because that was best for them… BOTH of them were putting their husbands/children first and fulfilling their God-given role.
Becca says
So many fallacies here. But I’ll settle for setting the record straight on one thing: being a SAHM was not the norm pre-war unless you were white upper-middle or upper class. Poor women, minority women, immigrant women always had to work. If your husband was a shopkeeper or farmer, you worked (generally without pay.) You are showing a white- hetero- urban- normative classist bias in pretending SAHMs were the “norm.”
Clarissa says
I think you misunderstand my article. I never said women never “worked” in the 1950s or that they should never work now. I believe the Proverbs 31 woman is an example of a hardworking woman. My point is that the right thing – the godly thing for married Christian women – to do is to put their families first, period. That will look different for each family as it is between the husband, wife, and God to decide what that means for their family. This article is a call for us to be UNselfish, to not pursue careers at the determinant of our husband and children, to put them first and ourselves last! A call to be Christ-like (Unselfish), loving our husband and children more than our positions in the world, etc. So much more I could say to set the record straight for the intent of this article but I believe most women come here and read this with their minds set on what they think I am saying or believe and don’t actually get the point. Yes, I do believe in wives submitting to God and husband (Ephesians 5:22-23, etc.), yes I am speaking to “married Christian women” (Titus 2:3-5) not single, widowed, divorced, etc. And maybe, more importantly, I am speaking to CHRISTIAN women. I invite you and all readers to study the Scriptures, speak to their husbands, and seek God’s guidance about their position in life. Also, I come from a farming family where my parents worked side by side in the fields, etc. Technically, my mom was a SAHM, but like you said “Poor women, minority women, immigrant women always had to work. If your husband was a shopkeeper or farmer, you worked (generally without pay.)” … No bias here.
Thorbjørg Helland says
I can’t see why it always has to be one way or the other, a rigid system that will always make some people outsiders in some way. I so agree that taking care of teh home and children should be a priority and that it is the most important job ever besides providing for the family. But it might as well be a man being a houseman as a woman being a housewife, either way is good, everyone should have the opportunity to chose what’s best for their own family. Sometimes the man in the relationship is better suited and wishes to be the homemaker and the woman is more carreer oriented and that should also be fully accepted. But I agree with you in the matter of appreciating and value the job it is to take care of the family home. I think it is very unfortunate for society that being a housewife (or man) is looked upon as inferior to making money. I also believe that the world needs more femininity, meeds to appreciate and embrace genuine feminine values, values that men as well have more or less of, but women probably the most…..
Kate says
No. Just no. Look, I’m a stay at home mom and homemaker. I agree that this should be a respected role. But A) your statements about it being esteemed and respected before the world wars is false. There was an incredible amount of sexism and oppression for many of those women. And B) biblical marriage does not essentially accommodate a woman to only work from home. The Proverbs 31 woman worked outside the home (v 16-18, 24). A woman is not failing in her role if she needs or chooses to work outside the home. A man is not failing in his role if his wife needs or chooses to work outside the home.
Your view is completely unbiblical and it’s really sad to me as a conservative Christian that there are still women that think this way. Making this decision for yourself is fine. I feel that God has called me to stay home with my children during this season of our life, but I spent the first year of my marriage being the primary bread winner while my husband finished his bachelors degree. The amount of shame I received from the women at our church was honestly embarrassing… for them not for me. I happily and joyfully supported myself and my husband because it was what was best for our family. There was nothing wrong or unbiblical about our marriage. In fact our first year of marriage was fantastic and incredibly blessed!
We’ve been blessed that my husband now makes enough that we can afford for me to not work. But if a husband does not make enough to support his family on his own that doesn’t mean that he’s a failure or that God is not blessing them. That’s prosperity gospel and it’s straight up heresy.
Ideally, once we have paid off our student loans, my husband would like to go to seminary, which will probably require me to work at least part-time to support our family. Do you think that means we’re failing Gods plan for marriage? No. That would be ridiculous. We then plan to go into full-time ministry overseas… which would be both of us working together outside the home in various capacities.
Ultimately, scripture should be enough to show you that this is a ridiculous concept. There is absolutely nothing in scripture that says or even implies that women should stay home. In fact, there is scripture (some of which I mentioned earlier) about women working outside the home and being blessed.
Don’t spout stuff off as biblical if you don’t have actual biblical basis. That is NOT blessed.
Clarissa says
“3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” Titus 2:3-5
“11 For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men,
12 Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world;
13 Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ;
14 Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.
15 These things speak, and exhort, and rebuke with all authority. Let no man despise thee.” Titus 2:11-15
“14 I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.” 1 Timothy 5:14
“27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.” Proverbs 31:27-28
“6 But godliness with contentment is great gain.
7 For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out.
8 And having food and raiment let us be therewith content.” 1 Timothy 6:6-8
“2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” Romans 12:2
Katie says
I love seeing all the comments and all those in favor of your blog, it gives me courage to continue as a mom and housewife and encourages me to embrace the role God has put in my life. It can get discouraging when you look around and see friends and family going different directions than what you’ve decided to do, especially when you enjoy working. But I am so thankful to be able to see that there’s more than just me fighting this battle and that we all have the long-term goal of our families in our country at heart thank you so much for your post
Ana says
Hey, I was just wondering if you live in a dream or reality? I’m sure in your white, clean neighbourhood it might be hard to understand that there are people who don’t leave in the same privilege as you would being a white, cis, and a first world citizen. What you say in your blog I understand is your understanding and that you are sharing what you believe but isn’t a tad bit sexist to say that being a stay at home mum is the right thing for a married women to do? What if the man wants to stay home? is that cool? What if its two dudes? then is it ok for both of them to work because they are both men?
I’d also like to understand why you believing in a book written thousands of years ago by bias old men? Why allow this one source have such a big impact on what you do with your one life?
cheers Ana
Clarissa says
Ana, Praying that you will know Jesus Christ as your Saviour!
Janet says
So sad reading from so many who do not know Jesus or the bible. I at 55 years old, kids grown, am not a stay at home wife. I was saved less then a year ago and I felt God wanted me to leave my nursing job and get my house and marriage right. I am now looking into volunteering to the elderly and using my nursing skills to serve God. I feel so blessed and my husband loves the I’m not too tired for him and our home. Thank you for your post. I want to bring back the old fashioned homemaking, even with the not to nice parts. God is calling me and I must obey!
Clarissa says
Thank you so much for the positive comment and for speaking the truth!
Angel says
so typical. So u are never wrong and everyone else is wrong! This whole world is wrong! This modernism is wrong! The democracy is wrong! The human rights are wrong! How easy. I understand you are a housewife proud of yourself but that doesnt mean only you are right. I am really sad for all those bloods of people trying to raise your rights. God must be sad for you.
rebrackin says
Only reading the first paragraph:
Can I please just note something really quick? Having a career is more than “worldly gain,” it’s not even about money. It’s about freedom from being controlled and treated like a servant. It’s about being safe from abuse. It’s about making your own decisions and creating your own happiness. It’s about looking beyond the kitchen and making a difference in the world. It’s about looking beyond the home to make a contribution that can change people’s lives. It’s about being important to more than just your immediate family. It’s about doing something that you’re passionate about. It’s about utilizing your skills instead of letting perfect talent go to waste cooking and cleaning. It’s about treating women more than just “complicit servants.” It’s about empowering women.
I realize that for many women, being a housewife is empowering–in which case, I say, “that is awesome that you found something that empowers you! I encourage you to pursue it as best you can!” Because being a feminist isn’t about money, or fame, or glory. It’s about creating your own life of fulfillment, beyond what the patriarchy (and therefore religion) expects from you. The point of feminism is that a man shouldn’t shape your life for you. You should shape your life for you. If you decide to be a housewife because that’s what makes you happy, then kudos to you, that is awesome! If you want to be a president or prime minister, then I will support you 100%. If you want to be a female rabbi, or female priest, or female pastor, then why not? If you want to be a -word removed by admin- worker, then I say make sure you and others treat your body with respect in the process.
You shouldn’t be trying to convince others to become a housewife. You should be trying to convince others to find their most fulfilling path to them, and that if it’s to be a housewife/stay-at-home-mom, then so be it!
Clarissa says
“You should be trying to convince others to find their most fulfilling path to them” …
this is exactly what I am doing according to biblical standards.
Titus 2:3-5
“The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”
Truth Is says
The good old fashioned ladies which most of the ladies back in the day were the best of all, and today they’re so very horrible.
J A Austin says
What a lovely idea, unfortunately impractical in a lot of circumstances. I was a stay at home, 1950’s style housewife, as I was taught to be by my mother, until my children were in school. I was also married to a man who refused to take responsibility for his actions, often taking weeks or months off work because he “didn’t feel like working”, or “deserved a break”. I had to go to work when my children were small, often working past the time they got home from school. I’d have loved to have been there for them, but if I wanted to keep them fed, housed and clothed on a regular basis I had to work while my husband saw to his own needs. It stayed this way until the children were grown. My marriage ended in divorce when my youngest turned 18. So, as I said, it would have been lovely, but it was only a fairy tale.
Kym Morse says
The 1950’s housewife is NOT the model God set forth for us, the Proverbs 31 woman is. How does the 1950s housewife measure up to her?
Clarissa says
Yes, I agree that the Bible is the only standard we should strive to live up to. I was simply drawing from more recent history to give us examples. Of course, not all 1950s housewives were godly women, but I was speaking of the ones who were – specifically my grandmothers, to be honest. Thanks for commenting!
Carrie says
Beautiful article. Although I work full-time plus in a demanding role and my spouse does as well; The benefits of a return to a home-centered society are many. I acknowledge that my strengths do not reside in home/family management enough to make it a full-time focus, but I admire those who can excel at it.
Destree says
I came to this post looking for encouragement to focus on what I feel God is calling me to focus on…my family and my home. However, I was disappointed that your post was suggesting that all Christian married women should be homemakers. I then read a majority of the comments. If you feel you have been misunderstood by so many of us, maybe you could either do a rewrite or write a clarifying follow up post? (Forgive me if you already have and I haven’t seen it). As a woman who feels called to homemaking right now, I could definitely use encouraging articles, not ones that are demanding-I have enough demands on me as is! May I also suggest a word study on the Adam and Eve story where Eve is called Adam’s help meet? This subject is so tense in our culture right now, this idea of gender roles/equality it’s nearly impossible navigate without upsetting some people. Also maybe rather than an instructive tone this could be more reflective as to what God is speaking to your heart? Blessings.
Courtney says
Thank you so much for this post. This came up in my feed and I wasn’t looking for it but it was just what I needed. Lately I have been searching for a job outside the home because I haven’t found satisfaction in being a SAHM. I was convinced that working outside the home would solve all our problems and make me a better mom. I see now that the issue is me. I haven’t taken my role seriously and have been chasing worldy things. After praying about this issue and coming across your post, I know in my heart that right now my place is to stay home with my children and take care of my family and my home. I am also going to take starting my blog more seriously. Thank you again for your wisdom!
Kathy says
Hi there. I hope you DON’T rewrite the article. You are spot on, Courtney. Keep up the good words!
John Doe says
Good luck for many of us good single men trying to meet a real good old fashioned woman these days. And most of the women back then were certainly Real Ladies and very easy to meet as well. God what in the world happened to them these days?
Andi says
Ever read Proverbs 31? I am fairly certain she worked quite a lot.
Clarissa says
Proverbs 31 indicates a very hard working woman but within the context of a wife & mother.
Paul says
Most women were very old fashioned and real ladies back then which made love very easy for the men in those days to meet a very nice woman. Today feminism has taken over unfortunately.
Vanessa says
It’s easy to remember all the good of the 50’s (Queue Leave it to Beaver) and forget the awful parts. 50’s housewives where often beaten and mistreated, they are nothing more than a slave to their husband. I married a man who wanted that type of wife, coming from a religious family that is what was expected of me so I happily went along.. The first few years were exciting, it was fun to be a wife. Then 18 years later it has become expected, no more thank yous, no more appreciate for your work. Actually they don’t think you work at all. They think you sit on the couch all day.. They had a mom who had to normal running around with 2 kids and making the house 50’s picture perfect, dinner on the table, kids and myself clean and orderly and ready to welcome dad home from his HARD day at work. But don’t bother him because this is his time to relax before he go off to play golf. Meanwhile mom’s day hasn’t stopped yet. and wont until all the kids are tucked in bed and she can take a moment to pee alone.. The idea of being a 50’s housewife is a sad sad misguided attempt, it does not empower women but to put them back barefoot in the kitchen. I’m a shell of the person I once was.. This happy 50’s life you are writing about does not exist except in old black in white reruns..
Clarissa says
Why not remember the good and try to bring back the good, whether from the 50’s or any time in history? Not all of it was bad and regardless of how humans abuse biblical truths, it doesn’t change biblical truths or God’s Word. Truth is truth. It is ourselves (humans) to blame when it is twisted for evil. It is not about the 50’s or any particular time period being right and current times being wrong … there is a lot of right happening in the world right now… but I stand behind God being right always and His Word being right always and that Christians should be aligning themselves to HIS TRUTH. It doesn’t matter whether any other human is doing right or wrong, we stand before the LORD and answer to Him alone. So I humbly encourage myself and others to seek His Truths found in the Holy Bible. For the record, I LOVE being barefoot in the kitchen and definitely do not feel negatively towards that description. 😉
Cynna says
I’m a stay at home wife/mom. I wanted to learn ways I could do my job better. Not how I could judge other mother’s for choosing a different path. This was extremely off putting.
Pat says
Been a stay at home mom for 20 years. People should choose for themselves-mom stays home, dad stays home, both work etc. Bible was written by MEN. No one else gets to decide or mandate what another person does, especially on basis of gender.